Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
