i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
