i think my tv is drunk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
