You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
