Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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