lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
