Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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