I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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