4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
