you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
