What a fucking waste of an outfit
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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