I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
