I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
3 2 1 whiskey
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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