my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
