Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize