The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
