I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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