Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
