Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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