we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
