He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
