pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
thus making me awesome and them whores
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
