Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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