so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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