You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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