I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
