So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
