I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
