you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
