i just made my gag reflex go away.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
