My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
