You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
