I want to have your abortion
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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