I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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