I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
