the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize