I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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