I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
dude. I can hear the air.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
