Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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