Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
