I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
