everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
