btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
