do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
