I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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