Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
