I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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