There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
