Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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