found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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