Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
