and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
