i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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