saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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