My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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