I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
