It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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