i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
