i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize