when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
