good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
