Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
