in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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