New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
