Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
