Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
