if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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