I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
